Break Up - Part I

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Break Up:The beginning 

Melissa dumped me today.

So, obviously I threw a fucking fit and now I won’t ever see her again, not after what happened today. I don’t really know what the fuck I can do now.  I haven’t really come to terms that the one person I wanted to wilt and die with no longer feels the same.

I can barely function.

All day long, it feels as if I’ve been repeating the same actions over and over again. I head down the hall of my townhome, sit down in the dining room table, then get back up and head back down the hall to see if I had forgotten my phone in the den. I hadn’t, since it’s in my hand the whole time, but it didn’t keep me from getting up a second time.

I also have come to the realization that maybe, now that she’s gone, these are actions that were once automatic and now, I am very well aware of them. Somehow, this all feels, like a new experience, but I can’t help fighting with the facts – we were together for so long.

Now I have to remember to continue, just one less. Remind myself of all the pesky things I could do without and realizing one of those is gone. But, let’s be honest, being single is very good on the wallet. I hate to think of things like that after what just happened. I can honestly say that it is very selfish of me.

Or is it?

Then again, I didn’t end the relationship we had for almost five years, did I, Meli?

I feel sickened by the events that have taken place because no matter the outcome, my heart was ripped from its nesting place and plucked from its arteries and squeezed to death.

So, I do the same.

Jesus, FUCK!  What the fuck? What is happening?

I feel like I’m breaking down.

Physically, mentally, emotionally. I thought Meli was full of it, that after just a few hours my head feels like its pounding. The floors seem to be alive with a pulse, it scares me. My throat feels like there lays a heavy hand crushing my neck and constricting my air. My life is falling out of place and it no longer feels like it’s mine.  I need to talk to someone, or at least actually have someone here with me, even if we can’t talk. Presence is enough.

I need David here. He’s been there for me since middle school and he knows what to do in situations like these.  When I needed to sneak out, he would help out. Always telling my parents we would spend the night at his house, and seeing as how our parents knew each other before they even wed, they had no problem letting me spend the night, giving me the ability to go to Nancy’s house, or Regan, or Dany, or whoever the fuck I dated from that point in life and vice versa.  David is the only person who would understand and not judge me.

But he wouldn’t understand this. 

I’ll text him and get him to come over.