I didn't get my way

At the end of the day, we’re only human.

No matter how much of an asshole we are sometimes.

Humans – curious and funny little creatures that popped on the earth like popcorn in the right conditions and took over as number one species on this,  a small, tiny rock.

Unlike others on this planet, we let our emotion get in the way of our actions. Well, more like affect the nature of our actions. And we can be quite nasty.

Some more than others.

Human emotion is very strong and can be tapped, seemingly easy.

The spot I left my car in last night. Gone, this morning.

Like when you get your car towed.

For an idiotic reason and you’d be responsible for the cost, that you don’t have to pay, by the way, and you’d be screwed for the rest of the day. Then you march into the manager’s office and let her know you’re going to get a lawyer for not fucking telling you, and she bust out a page that basically says:

Park in reverse, get towed, bitch.

And at the left hand bottom, there's your john Hancock.

Oh, you haven’t experienced this? Here is mine.

I signed about half a year ago, just came into effect yesterday and I got towed.

I got fucking towed.

AHH. Since my brain hid the information that I retained but no longer deemed necessary - thanks brain - I had to call into work, give a half ass explained version of what was going on, and I don’t even think she was quite convinced, but then again, why the fuck would I worried about getting towed..??

Point I am trying to get is that anger and rage just washed over me in sheets of red. My aura was spewing red and all this fucking pent up shit, that just by being told that my car was fucked after it got towed kind of did it for me.

I had a break down in my car as I drove off the lot and back to my apartment. Just cried as I drove on repeating over and over again:

I’m broke, how am I going to pay my rent or my car note? I can’t do anything.

I can’t do anything.

At that point is when the real shittyness began.

I was so pissed, I was creating scenarios in my head that would happen once I got to my managers office. I had a backup for everything. I even took pictures of all the other cars that didn’t get towed and were parked in reverse.

As I write this blog, I have some anger in me…but I smoked, and here we are, lovers.

I was ready to go in there and raise some civil hell. Just be like:

Bitch you towed my shit illegally and blah, blah, blah.

Nope, she had it. She knew, too, that I was coming, because I wasn’t the only one.

FUUUUUUCK, me, man.

I tried to control myself, which I actually do think I did quite well at controlling my anger, because once I get to the point in which I realize that if I murder the person, I can face time in prison for the rest of my life, I cry. The tears start flowing because I can’t ruin my life over 

the idiocrasy of another.

So, good job, me.

But I still went in there with an intention, an agenda, a mission. To make them pay because they gave me no notice whatsoever. I made it my mission to do just that. It was passionate, an impulsive thought and decision.

But, she had my Hancock. What if she hadn’t?

Well, like I said, civil hell. I didn’t raise my voice, but I was polite and stern with myself, as she was, and yet even after I saw my signature, I kept going. Instead of

Oh, fuck. Well, I completely forgot, Sorry, ma’mm.

I decided to say:

We’ll speak to a lawyer about that.

I realize now how fucking dumb that sounded after I calmed down, now it’s just a hilarious situation.

I was angry. I didn’t want to accept that I was wrong and I didn’t, above all, wanted to give up another $200 since I don’t have them and my rent is due next week, along with my car note – same day – I was already in a tight spot. It broke me, mentally and emotionally, and I allowed my anger to take over and lead me over to the “I’m fucking suing you” stage. I became irrational because I wasn’t getting what I wanted at all. This was not the end result that I was planning on getting in all my scenarios that I had set up in my head.

It was all in my head, like it all is.

I didn’t get my way.

I accepted defeat, now I have to come back down and give myself a pep talk and realize that I was wrong, it’s ok.

Well, I usually go for a walk and get away from all people, I’m livid by this point, and process it all. Understand everything that happen and make my realizations. I am still allowed to feel angry because it’s just another obstacle in my path that hurt a bit too much, but I’m not dwelling on it, nor will I ruin my day because of it. Life moves forward, and so should I.

Take a few breaths of Texas air, get that oxygen flowing, and think of a proper solution.

So, what I got knocked down?

I got back up.

Stay strong, lovers.

Muah.

Muah, lovers. Stay strong!

Barbie Lissette