Can't sleep? Think of dying.

Nuggets.

It is 11:04 in Texas.

I just watched some True Blood, turned the lights off, pet the cat, got ready for bed, and for some reason all I can think of is the day I die.
And how terrifying, yet comforting that idea sounds.
How uplifting it will be to leave my old life behind.
All my burdens and worries; my hate and my fears.
One day, I will close my eyes and never open them again. And I have no Idea when or how that will be.
And it scares me.
It has always scared me.
I dream of dying peacefully.
Maybe in my bed, or in my lovers arms.
But not before I do what I set out to do.
But not many of us get that right.
Some of us die before accomplishing what we want.
And that fucking sucks.

Close your eyes. See that?

All that darkness and emptiness and the feeling of nothingness is what comes next.
When it comes to religion, I am very skeptic, but in short, I am agnostic, because I do have hope tjat there is a god, albeit a malevolent one, but a huge part of me begins to lean into, atheism?
Like no gods, no masters.
I mean, I do hope there is a god, but I know there isn't.
Just like those who have faith they exist, i have a lack of...I just don't believe there can be.
And just 1? For seven billion?
Na..
I dunno - I have more belief in us being a simulation for the worst case scenario!

Back to what I was babbling about...

So when I get scared of thinking of my own mortality, I realize that there is nothing for me to go in to.
No hell or heaven.
No limbo or purgutory.
Just nothing.
Dark, empty nothingness.
That scares me, immensely.
Being alone, consumed in isolation.
And one day, since life is ridicoulosuly short, I will succumb to that.
Inevitably, succumb.
We all will.
We all come and go the same way.
For all the ways we try to be unique, you can bet your sweet soul on that.

Night, night motherlover.