Who would have thought Friday would be the day!

Morning, Motherlovers,

I recently got in a crash.

And it was so impacting that I am beginning to view things in a new light.

A much more positive one.

An ‘afterglow’ as I will call it.

So blunt it was that it leaves me radiating with new hope and views and dare I say, new wants and desires.

A new vision of life.

I call it that because it seems to be a phasing side effect of prior events that can rapidly decline, like a high.

All I can think of is how things could have been entirely different, how life changing this event may have been had there been just 1 addition of any kind.

I never realized how much power the number 1 could hold.

Had there been one car in my way, the situation, in no exaggerated form, would have been ten times worse than where it stands today.

Had there been just one person in my way, I would not be as relieved as I am now. I would have been screwed.

Fuck.

It took a dire circumstances for me to get my shit together.

And I never intended to make that night one of those ‘damn if you do, damn if you don’t’ sort of deal, I never leave the house hoping something life altering happens.

I mean I do, but not in that way.

But it did,

And it happened.

And we are so lucky that things didn’t go chaotic.

And after the first two nights running on nothing but coffee and red meat, I decided to take a step back and figure out what it is I really wanted to do and accomplish.

In that weekend, I realized that I really wanted to finish Gone With The Wind, not because my desire to travel out for the rest of the weekend had dimmed because it had, it was also due to the fact that I had bought the book years ago and I always just picked it up, advanced a few chapters and then put it back down. So, this weekend was one of a minor success, but one nonetheless. I completed the remaining fifteen chapters and now I am on to watch the film – which I hate to nit-pick, but I already started doing so.

Like her children. Really, just knock the first two out of existence?

Now all I can think of is everything else I can do.

I recently purchased three books, one being the famous novel ‘IT’ by Stephen King.

I will admit the clown has always terrified me and with all the hype around the remake I figured, “Why not read the book and then watch the movie,”

There is a rule for my kind – read first, watch second – always abide by the rule.

Any who, this morning, as I sit here in front of my computer monitor at work and instead of typing reports and sending them out, a thought ebbed through my mind.

And all I focused was on the positive side of it.

Usually, I tend to linger for some time of the negative aspects, outcomes and opportunities that may or may not arise out of a situation, but this time, I only thought of all the positive in it. I didn’t think of how this may hinder my already damaged state.

This ‘afterglow’ has me thinking differently. I am already so excited to pick up one of the books I bought and start reading so I can finish already.

I’ve want it to be nighttime so I can wake up tomorrow morning and tackle the obstacles that will be standing in my way so I can reach my goal even faster.

I am sure there is a word for that, I can’t think of it.

Obviously, I’ve laid some ground rules for me to follow from here on out.

And as painful as it will be in the beginning, it will get easier once I start walking.

I plan on leaving many things that have always hindered me – a complete whole new canvas. I plan on wiping everything off and making it shine again.

I’ve qualities I love and want to see shine once more and bring them out from hiding and other’s that need to lurk just beneath the surface and only be used when in need.

Change has never been so exciting for me. I’ve quickly went over the ‘Oh Fucking shit! What could have been done? What IF’ stage to the ‘Well, shit, now I have to pork over money..’

Just like I should have done with situations and experiences all throughout my life.

I can finally, with a tone and atmosphere filled with enraptured elation, begin a new chapter.

I will leave this all in a positive note.

Your fears must burn bright to shine the light of hope.

At least that’s what I got out of mine.

Let’s just hope it is more than just an afterglow.

Muah!