Hello, Motherlovers
You know what feels lovely?
Knowing I can fart in front
of my partner and not have to worry about whether or not the hot wings I ate
last night are going to be putrid in the breeze headed the direction that my
partner stands in.
It is so soothing knowing the
one I love wonāt judge me for my bodily excretions.
But, It wasnāt always that
these happy days existed.
It seems like just yesterday
I was having to hide the erupting bubbles that exploded in my belly as
punishment for not letting them exit. As he sat there talking to me about his
favorite Dragon Ball episode, all I could think of was when the fuck he was
going to go the fucking restroom so I can ā ahem ā letāer rip.
The struggle is real.
Now, I know there are people
out there who canāt fart in front of anyone ā or so Iāve heard. And that is
some fucking effort. I know for a fact after a few minutes, I am already
regretting the decision of holding it in.
Like, you can HEAR them in my
stomach, looking for exit doors all over the damn place and I have to act like āOMG.
I am starving,āā¦.at 9 in the morning.
And gawd forbid it tries to
inch out of your ass.
Got to squeeze them glutes!!
Oh, and donāt act all high
and mighty with your high horse with me! I always like to think the deniers are
the guiltiestā¦.
I guess that level of comfort
represents the type of relationship one has, in a way.
If you are that comfortable
to relieve yourself in such manner, with no fear WHATSOEVER of how LOUD or FOUL
it may be.
THAT is love.
THAT is trust.
And THAT is utterly
disgusting.
BUT IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD!!!
One less person whom you have
to hide your true self from!
Iāll share a personal
experience.
I have been with my partner
for a little under three years.
In fact, on October the
Eleventh, we will celebrate our three-year anniversary.
Anyway, we have experienced
what any live-in couple has ā the fights, the smells, the cooking, the
cleaning, reminding him you arenāt his mom and wonāt pick up his shoes all the
damn time, and reminding yourself he is a huge man who will eat up everything
in the fridge and some of the space in the bed, you will have to fight for. You
canāt label anything, because he isnāt just your roommate, but there are things
off limits, like your hair and tooth brush.
But, letās not kid ourselves ā
weāve used the wrong toothbrush once, or several times, before.
I was taking care of business
in the bathroom, when I hear from behind the door,
āWhat are you doing?ā
Isnāt it obvious, though??
āPeeing?ā
āOk,ā
Door opens. He waltzes in as
if it were normal.
Surprise, Surprise.
It is, in fact, very normal.
Like any other household.
We can legit have a whole
conversation with one of us on the toilet, taking care of business.
Also, when we both work in
the mornings, it is a time saver!
Ahh, but where does that ācomfortā
end?
That is the real question!
*Holds toilet paper up to eye level, and stares intensely*
At number two, thatās where that
shit ends.
Muah!
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